So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
