grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
