i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
