when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
