Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
