Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize