we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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