I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think your dad took our porno
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
