i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize