just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
