don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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