dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
