When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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