He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
