Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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