who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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