My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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