I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
