Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
