The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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