just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
