Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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