...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize