Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize