Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
