you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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