I'm jealous of your bromance
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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