She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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