I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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