we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
