You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize
