So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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