We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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