I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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