wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
