So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
