I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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