Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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