I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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