is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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