i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
