We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
