I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
