I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
