you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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