By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
