dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
