woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
