If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize