Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My dick has a subreddit
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
