when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
