He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
