I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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