turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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