highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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