Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
