so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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