If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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