Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
