He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
