Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize