You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
