In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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