I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
should my penis look like a turkey
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
