so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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