I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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