Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
