You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
