You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
