what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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