direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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