I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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